


In A Heartbeat

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Futurefic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-01
Updated: 2007-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No secret is worth this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first SVfanfic so feedback is greatly appreciated. 

## In A Heartbeat

by combatscientist

[]()

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Disclaimer: obviously not mine.   


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I'm sitting here on a hard floor, grabbing onto any semblance of rational thought and wrenching it out, raping and forcing it into something that will make sense. And in the midst of all this I've managed to keep my head level, keep it always an inch or two above the water, keep myself just sane enough to remember how to breathe. 

There is nothing good left here. This is the darkest pit of the rabbit hole. The shallow aching for a change, the knowledge that the pills they feed me, and the needles that mark me will do and mean nothing for me in the long run. And that knowledge _kills me_ because those are my coping mechanisms. They keep me from pressing the barrel between my eyes and pulling the trigger. They keep me from dying. Metaphorically speaking. After all I am the Man of Steel. Indestructible and unstoppable. That's why it always feels like such a big fucking joke when people want me to embrace that I'm different. I feel everything multiplied by ten on the inside but not even a scratch is showing on the outside. Want to trade lives? 

That's why I'm here. In this place. Being examined like a lab-rat while faceless strangers are waiting for me to jump through their hoops. Because I feel too much. And I care too much. I care about all the wrong people and all the wrong reasons. 

"No secret is worth dying for, Clark." 

Now I imagine yelling it to myself. Screaming it in my own face. You're right no secret is worth _this_. This sick feeling of betrayal and of pain that cuts my chest wide open and the fact that I can actually feel it go through my flesh is probably the biggest irony of all. Because right now this body is a shell of something that used to live. 

And as I sit here something grows and festers inside my mind. It's hot and searing and irrevocably haunting. It's the kind of feeling that leaves me with a longing I can't ignore, leaves me with a helpless anger. I can't progress forward. I just stay in the same area, and there, you're all I have. 

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End file.
